Featured Image by CHRISTIAAN TONNIS Under Creative Commons License

The following was written by a good friend of mine. I am cross-posting her articles here to ensure that they will always be on the internet and that her words will always have a way of reaching her intended audience. She has struggled immensely in her own life with family who failed to support her – who abused her instead of offering the love and care she provided them. Her alchemies run deep, and she has a perspective like no one else – a perspective I have decided to share with my audience. These articles date years back and through them you will see a firsthand snapshot of a remarkable woman’s growth.

-Eric

Are you being manipulated? Chances are someone is trying to control you, unfortunately. It’s human nature, apparently.

My parts and I have gotten pretty good at seeing actuality. We know the human condition a little too well. Let’s just say this knowledge messes with our sanity because it’s so pervasive and untrustworthy.

(Which has been about as unpleasant and nightmare-fueling as it sounds.)

We didn’t research controlling tactics, or anything, for this information. No, we figured it out on our own, separately together. Life taught me (and my parts) how manipulation works. We only had to pay attention.

We learned some things about manipulation. And now we want to share them with you, so you can protect yourself. Here are 30 tips to help you navigate attempts of control so you grow.

Random Tips About Manipulation So You Can Protect Yourself and Grow

1. Lies tend to be far louder than truth, generally speaking
2. People lie a lot, and they probably want to control you. This isn’t meant to scare you, but to encourage you to observe more objectively.
3. People tell on themselves when you allow them to. Watch and listen carefully.
4. Truth will reveal itself when you allow yourself to see it
5. People who deny certain aspects tend to be controlling and dishonest, much of the time. If they don’t want you to see it, you probably should.
6. It’s never over. There is always some other aspect to explore, lesson to learn, or perspective to see. When it comes to manipulation, manipulators gotta manipulate.
7. If they tell others’ secrets, they will share yours, too.
8. Manipulators often claim that their notion/perspective/wants are for your “best interests.” They’re probably lying, especially if it seems forced or repetitive.
9. People who truly want to help will provide space for you to come to your own conclusions. They will not try to force you to see, or do, anything. People who truly want to help will allow you to have your own experience. It’s when YOU are ready. (With that said, you’re the only one who can gauge that, and it’s likely you’ll never feel “ready” enough.)
10. Understanding can lead to excuses for unwanted behavior, either in yourself, or for others. Use with discretion. Do not over-understand, even (or especially) yourself. Still, understanding is powerful in promoting unity when used honestly.
11. Excuses are not your friend.
12. Starve the “demons” by denying them food via your attention. (“Demons” here simply means anything that keeps you from your full potential.) Work towards building the new, feeling more love, and stuff like that. This doesn’t mean denouncing anything completely. It’s knowing it’s there, but changing the mental channel.
13. Listen to yourself first and foremost. All else serves as a guide to hone your inner voice.
14. There is always a lesson, potentially, but that doesn’t mean you “deserve” it. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a reflection of something horrible in you. (Although that happens, too.) It could mean the exact opposite; people (or whatever) often work to attack you in hopes to keep you down, and disconnected from your inner Divinity. ESPECIALLY if they swear otherwise. (Sorry. That one hurts.)
15. Course correct. Often. More than you think is necessary. It’s a constant process.
16. You understand more than you allow yourself to know. Trust that sense that tells you something is off. It’s there to protect you. (You also do not understand more than you know. Such is life, right?)
17. Be weary of those who want to “help” to an unreasonable degree. If they push, or don’t allow you to say “no” easily, there’s likely a deeper agenda that serves them in some way. It probably won’t help you very much. The truth is, they want to control you, not help. This is true, most of the time. Listen to your depths to understand more clearly.
18. Honing your inner lie detector takes constant practice.
19. Controllers are masterful at making things look a certain way. Manipulators can make “reality” look differently than it really is. They act as if their version of events is true, even though they’re not. And that means anything you do is questionable. We’re learning to use that to our advantage now. But that has consequences.
20. People attack to keep you disconnected and down because your success/joy/connection is viewed as a ‘threat’ to them. But, if it worked, that means there is something in you that needs your attention. What was the insecurity that allowed them in? This is not about blame. It’s merely strengthening your armor, your self-love, and healing. The more you heal your inner wounds, the less likely manipulation attempts will work.
21. You can often feel when you’re being blamed/judged unfairly. Yes, it takes practice. But when you notice it, it might be best to trust that feeling. At least entertain it. Your deepest feeling might not be lying to you. (Although feelings can be misconstrued based on our own insecurities.)
22. Repetition programs the subconscious mind. It is often used in manipulation. If you hear something enough times, you begin to believe it. Likewise, if you say something enough, you believe it. Use with discretion, and reject what doesn’t sit with your depths as true.
23. Desperation and fear are easy to manipulate.
24. Self-talk is EVERYTHING. If you do fall into a toxic program, simply notice it. Don’t punish it. Do not force ‘fixing’ it. Just watch. A more loving program is likely to take over, eventually. Controlling people want your self-talk to be as chaotic and unloving as possible. That’s partly why they use confusion tactics, so you keep questioning yourself.
25. People will judge/blame you to escape accountability. People will do A LOT (potentially anything) to run from themselves. It might not even be about you at all. In fact, in most instances, it isn’t. It’s them, running from them.
26. Face yourself. That’s where your power is.
27. If it feels off, it probably is.
28. Can you question them? If not, what are they hiding?
29. Intuition and anxiety can easily get confused. Go deeper. The answer is not on the surface. (Fear does not always mean “stay away.”)
30. Are you catering to your insecurities? That’s not helping you! It makes you an easy target. (Again, sorry. I know how difficult that is to hear. It doesn’t make it any less true.)
31. Above all else, listen to your gut. What is your gut telling you, deep, deep down?

In life, manipulation is everywhere. Really, it boggles my mind that it’s so common. But it is. Denying that for comfort is probably a mistake.

Of course, noticing one of these points isn’t solid evidence that you’re being manipulated. But it might encourage you to observe and listen more intently.

We hope this helps you connect some dots, and to better protect yourself against those who want to control you.

You’re better than their play-thing. So act like it! Don’t let insecure assholes take anything from you. Protect yourself. It’s necessary. Thankfully, doing so takes only a good amount of awareness, honesty, and strong self-love.