The following was written by a good friend of mine. I am cross-posting her articles here to ensure that they will always be on the internet and that her words will always have a way of reaching her intended audience. She has struggled immensely in her own life with family who failed to support her – who abused her instead of offering the love and care she provided them. Her alchemies run deep, and she has a perspective like no one else – a perspective I have decided to share with my audience. These articles date years back and through them you will see a firsthand snapshot of a remarkable woman’s growth.

-Eric

They say silence is golden. And it is. Sometimes.

But not always. There are times when silence is dangerous and full of shit.

In some instances, staying quiet can perpetuate abuse and ruin lives. Keeping some things hush-hush can be incredibly powerful, but it can also eat you alive.

Voicelessness can be freeing, but it can also be a prison.

Silence can be your best friend, or your worst enemy, as it turns out.

So, let’s shed some light on the darkness hidden in silence. Shhh!

Tarnished Tranquility

Have you ever had a clogged toilet? The excrement is supposed to go down the hole, and into the pipes, never to be seen (or smelled) again.

But it gets stuck. And the stench gathers and builds. Your bathroom becomes more and more polluted. You feel dirty as the gross particles dance in the air.

If you ignore it, the shit will remain stagnant, causing continued contamination to your environment. The effects of waste will eventually become unignorable.

In order to rid your home of this nastiness, you’ll have to go back to the toilet. You have to remove the obstruction, right? It needs attention to become unstuck, and to flow again.

Depending on the situation, silence can be kinda like that. Too much silence can cause us to become clogged in a similar way. Only our attention can address the blockage. Make sense?

Sometimes our peace requires deliberate attention. Your voice might be necessary to destroy any remaining roadblocks, to move forward.

Awareness Changes Things

We can’t change anything that we don’t first recognize. We don’t see it. You know, out of sight, out of mind.

So, without our awareness, things will keep going as they are. Unseen, and uninterrupted. Some might say that calm, quiet reserve allows free flow.

When you give your attention to something, it does grow. At least, it seems to. In actuality, you are simply seeing more and more of what was previously hidden from you.

Hey! Let’s go to this cute little shop I came across the other day. We’re so glad we know about this place! Now we can visit whenever we want, because we know it exists. (And how to get there.)

The door is purple, and the siding is made of brick, which is colored white. The windows are adorable, and painted black. But you wouldn’t know that until you see it. Can you see this shop?

Right now, we can only view the outside, because-um- we’re outside. When we open the door, the inside is revealed. There are shelves filled with lovely ornaments, herbs, and even a painting or two. You are drawn in by the shop’s welcoming mystery. So, you browse- seeing each item more for what it really is, instead of just a part of the overwhelming clutter.

Of course you’ll purchase a thing or two, using cash. Your change is $6.66. (Why not?) As you see, your attention, alone, can cause us to make change, if it’s present enough.

Human awareness has opened eyes to so many issues. And people have done something about those issues, right? They’ve protested, fed their neighbors, and offered support. Your energy starts important conversations, inspires others, and even brings people together.

But first, somebody’s got to open their mouths so the necessary communication can take place.

Contextual Direction

(Your) awareness directs your entire life. Sometimes it’s best to keep your observations to yourself, for sure. But other times, doing that might be a great ‘sin.’ It’s not always best to spill your guts. But sometimes, yes it is.

What you say, or keep in, has real consequences. The right course of action depends on context.

Sometimes, your quietness can really hurt people.

Speaking out can save lives.

But it can also get you killed, or otherwise punished, as history has shown us. Usually, the effects aren’t quite that extreme. In many cases, our words can save or destroy lives in other ways. It depends on the situation. You know?

When Do You Spend Your Energy?

Take a moment to think about how you spend your money. What it looks like for you. How do you feel with every transaction?

Now imagine that the money changed forms. It is now your time, efforts, and attention. You deposit your energy into your own “bank.” And you spend it to survive (like money.)

Silence can be a smart investment, or a stupid one. Does keeping “it” to yourself feel like you’re drowning in debt? Does talking make you feel the same way?

Which avenue fills your personal bank (of energy) the most?

Of course, perhaps unlike your bank account, more does not necessarily mean better. After all, you’re not a bank. You’re you. In this context, sorry to say, you’re probably closer to the toilet than a financial establishment.

(Seriously, no offense. It’s crazy how well lavatories work as an analogy.) So, extra weight can become heavy hella fast. It gets harder to carry, and the pressure won’t let you move.

Heaviness clogs you up, man.

Sometimes you just have to get the shit out. You know what I’m saying. That’s probably a good time to break the silence.

Abusers Rely on Silence to Continue Their Abuse

Abusive people need your silence to thrive. They fear your voice. If you tell the right person, you might be able to escape from their mistreatment. It won’t be as easy to gaslight you because your friends might see their games, and reveal them to you.

Plus, there’s the additional cruelty to sway you to keep your mouth shut. People who have been deeply hurt are forced to protect their abusers, quite often. We’ve been coerced into helping the people who’ve hurt us.

We’re expected to be civil when we have to see them. And to never speak ill of them because they’re family, or dead, or alive.

We’ve learned that forced silence probably needs to be broken. Loudly. At least, in the beginning. Otherwise you are unintentionally agreeing to help in your own torture. (We know that’s harsh. It was an excruciating lesson to learn, and we don’t enjoy having to say that. But it is true.)

Yup, talking can be dangerous. But it can be absolutely liberating. What is that saying again?

“The truth shall set you free.”

The Best Way to Beat Demons is To Starve Them…Or Is It?

We’ve “beaten” demons with silence many times. (Interpret that however you wish.) Silence often works because you’re essentially starving the monsters by withholding your attention from them.

But other times, this can create a secretive form. And unhelpful denial.

In return, the “demon” can graze as he’d like. Picking from The Sad Buffet, featuring tasty treats like juicy worry, nutritious fear, and sweet pain. He’s certainly not gonna starve with so many delicious options available. You know?

Sometimes the best thing to do is expose the fuckers so they can no longer gorge on your suffering. It kinda reminds me of cockroaches scattering when you turn on the kitchen light. Cowards.

Silence and Acceptance

You don’t have to scream your story from the rooftops to know it. Still, giving your experiences a voice can be instrumental in fully accepting an unsettling situation. But you do often have to voice it, somehow, to give the attention your suffering needs to heal.

We often refuse to say things because the words make it “more real” to us. And we’d prefer keeping that somewhere out of our awareness. It seems easier to ignore, right?

But as we do, the thing we’re trying to run from grows. It seems stronger. It feasts. Until you see and/or hear it.

Silence is often magical. But sometimes, it creates a prison. Voicing what you’re holding inside is like dropping five awkward, overstuffed suitcases. Instant relief.

But you might have to stand there for a minute, and allow yourself to calibrate without the extra weight.

Breaking your silence can help you understand yourself more, as well as others. It might help you connect, in some way, which is usually nice. It could also illuminate the next step, and give you some direction.

Sometimes quietness is nice, agree? It can be so peaceful, invigorating, and unclog your backed up mind.

However, some situations demand noise. You can’t untangle an intricate knot by ignoring it. You have to work it out. Much like the loudness in your mind.