The following was written by a good friend of mine. I am cross-posting her articles here to ensure that they will always be on the internet and that her words will always have a way of reaching her intended audience. She has struggled immensely in her own life with family who failed to support her – who abused her instead of offering the love and care she provided them. Her alchemies run deep, and she has a perspective like no one else – a perspective I have decided to share with my audience. These articles date years back and through them you will see a firsthand snapshot of a remarkable woman’s growth.
-Eric
Apparently, people prefer an “all or nothing” mindset. Everything is dark or light. It either is, or it isn’t. Something can be only good or bad. One or the other.
It can’t possibly be “a little of this or that.” There is seemingly no room for shades of gray, or for something to sometimes be.
Pick a damn side, and stay there forever, right?
Opposing aspects coexist all the time. And they often do so peacefully.
How can that be? How can contradictory elements be valid at the same time?
Let’s take a deeper look at how even the most severe rivalries can find harmony.
The Intricate Life
Life is elaborate. It is multifaceted. There are many, many aspects and moving parts.
If one element of absolute truth is removed, it is no longer the whole truth in its entirety. You know?
Besides, how do you fit something so grand as life into an itty bitty box? Maybe even a word. How? I have tens of thousands of words at my disposal, and it’s often a challenge to capture a single aspect.
So, it’s rather baffling to notice the urge to oversimplify all of life, and ourselves. I know it’s for better understanding, but denying elements entirely isn’t comprehension. It’s just tunnel vision. Still, it’s helpful to see each aspect objectively.
Conflicts happen, and perspectives get in the way. That doesn’t mean there must be a fight, though. Sometimes the best thing to do in such confusion is to see all of the intricacies without getting in the way.
You might be amazed at the wisdom you can discover in individual simplicity.
A single aspect, at its base, is in its rawest form. That trait can only be what it is. It’s “that.” In this view, you can see every characteristic as it really is without influence. The unprotected element is simplified, without distortion.
Of course, it gets more complicated when you combine these different parts. But seeing something for what it really is helps to, shall we say, shape the jigsaw piece more truthfully.
You can study each piece individually to see (or create) the bigger picture.
Individual simplicity is an insightful guide, especially when added to the overall vision.
Have you ever gotten stuck on a puzzle and suddenly saw the piece that fit out of nowhere? It can be like that. Other times, it’s painfully slow-burning.
Either way, even opposing aspects are required to complete the picture.
The individual piece (or facet) is worthless without the puzzle. Likewise, the full picture isn’t possible with missing pieces.
I’ll Keep My Truth, Thank You
I get (more than) annoyed when someone wants me to walk away from my whole life experience to adopt their personal notions. Don’t you?
It’s cool if you think… whatever, more often than not. I might be happy to hear it, even. But not if you insist that I replace my (current) truth with your words. Or experience, or advice, or anything else one might use to manipulate other people into a desired belief structure.
It’s insulting. My human experience matters, too. So does yours.
Even if society, or whomever, disagrees. And I’m not about to throw away all my path just to be converted to someone else’s experience.
Thankfully, my inner parts taught me that experiences don’t have to clash. A lot of it is simply about being heard for once, actually.
What is true for you might not be valid for me. And what’s valid for me might not resonate with you. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It also doesn’t necessarily mean I’m wrong, or right, either.
We can both have our individual experiences and get along.
Harmony means accepting all aspects. It does not mean killing, or vanquishing certain parts. (Most often, anyway, because some “characters” refuse to escape their captivity- to put it simply. There are times you might benefit from removing a characteristic, perhaps. That’s another topic.)
The point is, each individual has their own deal. Maybe different vantage points are more effective in seeing, or creating, a grander vision. At least if it’s honest, anyway.
Understanding One Extreme Without the Other
There are quite a few people who revel in life’s paradoxical nature. There’s just something about how it plays out in such seemingly counterintuitive and ironic ways.
Considering the prevalence of such twists, it’s feasible to say that one extreme can (sometimes) clarify the perceived opposite. A trait in one aspect can shine light one what people would consider a rivalry, or opposing side. It usually does, in fact.
Can you know tranquility without stress? (You might have dealt with the other way around, though.) Being awake without falling asleep? Can you know happiness without sorrow? Truth without lies?
Water can flood us to death, but it also gives life. You know?
Of course you know warmth, even if you were never cold before. But feeling the cold brings a new perspective, and probably appreciation, for a warmer climate.
Have you been burned by ice? Made a mess while cleaning up? Experienced something bittersweet?
Have you ever had an experience that made you sad and happy? Perhaps you’re grieving certain things, but you’re excited to move on? Maybe a graduation?
Ever paid attention to the teeny-tiny line that separates light and shadow on a sunny day? Where the light is overtaken by illuminated darkness; where the shadow suddenly ceases. At least, for some distance. That thread-like (well maybe smaller than that) meeting where distinction disappears.
Life itself is paradoxical. Opposites coexist all the time. In fact, it is the contrasts that bring us to life in the first place.
We really don’t have to fight. We can allow things to be as they are. We would likely benefit from a little oppositional harmony.
Contradictions in Harmony
Contrasting elements do not have to wage war one each other. There is no requirement for hostility and rivalry. In fact, many polar-ends depend on one another.
Dissimilarities are often needed to create (necessary) tension, or something.
In other words, opposites attract, and are needed for balance.
You could say that contradictions can create balance. (Sometimes.)
Even if they are not the cause of equilibrium, it stands that “rivalries” are capable of coexisting peacefully. It’s possible. No. It’s more than that, it’s mandatory.
Allow every part to play its, uh, part.
One might say that’s, well, perfect harmony.
No Need to Choose
One of the most powerful source of division is feeling the need to choose between elements. You may feel the need to pick a side. One side or the other. Which are you loyal to?
I understand in society, generally, there are intense issues. My journey has taught me that there are definitely circumstances that demand choosing a side.
(In society, or from within. Either way, in those cases, nurturing harmony is simultaneously more crucial and far more challenging, I think.) I’m not trying to downplay such severity. It’s just…that isn’t the most common. So, for now, let’s put the extra heavy stuff to the side so we can focus on this point in particular. Just for a little while.
More often than not, there is no good reason to choose one side over another. That only creates unnecessary friction. It’s kinda like doing so introduces some chaotic energy between the poles. Like, it causes turbulence, or whatever, that doesn’t seem to help much.
Instead, it’s proven quite beneficial to just hear all sides. No need to choose. No need to fight. Just to be with the aspects as they are.
Adding stress to the contractions only, you know… adds stress to the situation.
Tranquil Contrast
In summary, opposite aspects can coexist wonderfully, and are sometimes needed.
Harmony is not removing something. In fact, it’s frequently the opposite of that.
Community is often celebrating, or appreciating, most aspects to a meaningful extent.
Ugh! It’s frustrating that language can complicate things. It’s necessary for comprehension. But it also skews understanding.
I guess that’s just one more example of the many potential trajectories one aspect can go in. To maintain togetherness, it’s vital to accept the aimless direction; to stoically live in its clear confusion. At least for a little while.
Perfect harmony takes work. But it’s simple.
For the most part, all you have to do is honestly listen with respect.
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