Featured Image by Matthew G Under Creative Commons License
The following was written by a good friend of mine. I am cross-posting her articles here to ensure that they will always be on the internet and that her words will always have a way of reaching her intended audience. She has struggled immensely in her own life with family who failed to support her – who abused her instead of offering the love and care she provided them. Her alchemies run deep, and she has a perspective like no one else – a perspective I have decided to share with my audience. These articles date years back and through them you will see a firsthand snapshot of a remarkable woman’s growth.
-Eric
Are you tired of everyone trying to dictate everything you do, too? It’s everywhere, right? Not only do we have religion trying to control how we see life, (and everything in it) but a slew of professionals, friends, family, and that strange woman from down the street. Oh, plus that weird dude on social media, too.
I think it’s kinda the norm, as annoying as it might be. Has people’s self-absorbed opinions (turned wanna-be facts) always been this…. cut-off and chaotic?
Honestly, I wish people would realize that their perspectives are theirs, and that everyone else has their own views, too.
People everywhere are just inflating their sense of self-importance, which has some dire consequences. Especially when we all do it.
Society is divided, but we could help change that. Let’s dive into this mess. (Luckily, cleaning this aspect doesn’t have to be very difficult, although some might find it challenging. You’ll see.)
The Problem With Confusing Facts With Opinions
A fact is a theory that has been proven repeatedly to be true. (Supposedly?) An opinion is an estimation that may or may not be based on actual data. And a hypothesis is just a more advanced opinion that is determined by data.
The thing is, though, we really don’t follow those ‘rules’ very well at all. We actually suck at that, as an entire species. Like, we’re the worst when it comes to realistic views. We magnify our own, and minimize everyone who doesn’t agree with us. (The first-hand, second-hand embarrassment over this is real.)
We certainly don’t treat facts as truth, somehow. Facts are not generally supposed to change. They should (by definition) be “right.” Yet, here we are, with quite a few untrue facts to ponder.
This includes poor Pluto getting kicked out of the planet crew. Or the food triangle thingy that displayed the “perfect” diet- even though it was far from being that, apparently. Oh, and I’m not driving a flying car yet. Are you?
(Wait. Would we drive a flying car? Also, yes, I know that was a hypothesis, but those often ‘operate’ as “facts” in our world. I told you it’s a mess.)
And don’t even get me started on debated facts, hidden truths, accepted bullshit we pretend is accurate, or facts that are actually only sometimes true.
Yet, we treat (our) opinions like they are absolute. For everyone. Because… we say so?
Sure it’s a little deeper than that, I guess, but not by much. In the end, we just want people to think like we do, even though that isn’t actually.. um…always actuality. It’s certainly not true for absolutely everyone, at the very least. Usually.
Humanity isn’t always great at civility. (Shocker, I know.)
Our stubborn views lead us to horrible division and constant fighting. We feel obligated to hate one another, and to choose an enemy. Then we’re kinda forced to fear (approximately) everything, separately.
In other words, our reluctance to allow space for each other is sustaining a loss of Love. I imagine that could be a pretty big deal. One that can only ever be a hideous, painful nightmare that we put on ourselves, in many cases. Do you agree?
Lack of Understanding Doesn’t Help
Look, we’re not going to accomplish anything if we don’t understand one another. Without the willingness to just listen to the other side (on practically any issue, really, although there are exceptions) we’re literally aborting the very conversations that can help us help ourselves, together.
You don’t have to agree, by the way. That doesn’t have to have anything to do with it. Obviously, debating all the damn time is ineffective, as we should see by now.
No one’s changing anyone’s mind. But we know this, right?
You think what you think (about whatever) for reasons, and so do I. So it would probably be best to stop trying to dictate how everyone else sees things.
Like I said, I probably won’t change your mind, and you’re definitely not going to change mine. Still, I welcome added perspectives, especially when they aren’t trying to threaten my views. You know?
A little love can go a long, long way. It’s truly amazing what a little dose of unrivaled understanding can do. You might be surprised, actually. My experiences certainly proved (at least some) validity to this notion. It’s worth a shot. Right? It’s got to be better than this nonsense, anyway.
Who Do You Think You Are?
This is what gets to me most about people, in this context at least. People are so closed-minded that they think their views are more valuable than yours. No, worse, actually. Some folks will only tolerate what they think, and try to shut you up in the process.
Who do they think you are? Who do they think they are, actually? Get the fuck outta here with that self-absorbed, restrictive, controlling-ass bullshit. (Yup, got a potty mouth.)
It’s disturbing, but amazing, how easily people dismiss and vilify others’ outlooks and such. The (false) arrogance is overwhelming. It gives me a headache, actually. (Or quite a few.)
Some people think so highly of their own world-view, they are willing (and often ‘obligated’) to threaten you with severe punishment just for thinking something else about, you know, all of life and the world we live in. Or they guilt trip you, or call you immoral. The list goes on and on, really.
In today’s society, though, this level of debate happens over pineapples. So…
You know what? At this point, the solution seems simple enough: Just stop trying to ‘correct’ people when they see things differently from you. Maybe, even listen, if you feel up to it.
Besides, carrying all that weight around all the time is exhausting. Aren’t you tired of all that baggage and need for control? I know I am.
Often, though, we’re so attached to our opinions that we are willing to be devoured by them, just to feel right-er, or something. Uh, more superior, I mean. Either way, it’s without a doubt fucking idiotic, and possibly deadly. (In more ways than one.)
Some Things Ain’t Worth Listening To
Some people don’t want to share what they’re really thinking. They just want to play with you. Don’t even bother, in that case. The whole point is to waste your time, or worst.
Plus, that’s how “good” (the actual really horrible) manipulators get in, in the first place.
Yes, listen. But not at the expense of actual possible harm (as opposed to being upset or offended by another outlook on something.) If something seems off, look closer.
You’ll see the truth; they have no choice but to tell on themselves.
Or better yet, probably just trust that shit right away and run!
Personal Experiences Are Neither Fact or Opinion
Let’s be clear about this. Personal experiences are personal experiences. They cannot be “wrong.”
They are not absolute truth, although there is certainly some truth. (A good bit of it, too, if you know where to look. Some even say we might find all the truth inside.) Yet our inner activity is not just a bunch of opinions, although there are some conclusions.
What goes on inside, what we think, feel, sense- all that- is merely just that. It cannot be discounted by anyone. Not really. (Trust me, they’re still going to try.) Regardless, experience simply just is.
Yet, in our society, many people’s experiences are written off as “not important,” or even delusional. But that can’t be because they’re experiences- which are only what we experience, at that point. Meaning there is nothing to actually debate. Again, they cannot possibly be wrong. Experiences are not opinions or facts; they’re data that we go through.
Personal Experiences Matter
With all this said, our personal experiences do matter. A lot. We’d be better off listening to our selves (or ourselves, depending how you operate.)
In no way am I suggesting that you aren’t allowed to have your own outlook. Of course you are. You probably have that for a reason. (Although holding no perspective from time to time is quite freeing, I must say.)
However, one’s point-of-view is not absolutely everything. Opinions are not infallible. (As we covered, neither are facts, somehow.) Our views can change over time, so they’re possibly not even true, even if it does feel like that way. Your perspective is just your perspective.
Share it… with anyone who actually wants to hear it. With that said, for the love of “God,” can we please stop forcing our views on everyone else? Maybe there’s more to the story, especially when considering how many people (and thus stories) comprise a single shared narrative.
Maybe we don’t actually know as much as we think we do. We could learn from one another, and collectively know (and thus comprehend) a hell of a lot more. But that’s only if we can stomach someone else’s point of view, at least, once in a while.
But it wont’ be achieved by needing to be “right” all the time. That’s not possible. Everyone is just going to keep fighting, in that case. You know?
You don’t have to agree with anything you don’t agree with. Agreeing isn’t really the point.
Actual meaning often comes from a sense of understanding. You can only understand someone you’ve listened to. Everything else is just a game of lies and division.
Instead of “being right,” maybe it would be more beneficial to simply listen. Truly, it’s amazing how life untangles once it feels heard and understood.
What’s the point of your conversations? All I know is if your objective is to “be right,” stay away from me. I’m not interested in being played with.
I prefer meaning. A point. Growth. I guess it all comes down to mutual respect.
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